The other day I started to write a post I had to stop myself, I wrote for about 20 minutes, the words were flowing, and my mind was churning with ideas but then I stopped and read what I had written. It was the day before Thanksgiving and all I had done was write for 20 minutes about how mad, disappointed and disgusted I was... My words were angry and came from a place in me that is petty and looks toward the negative as an excuse for my current situation, or what I thought was my current situation. I didnt like what I saw from myself, not one bit. But since I wrote those words I've had a talk with my beautiful sister who just found she's pregnant with her second child. I talked with my brave and strong brother who is putting everything he's got into bettering himself at school and doing a bang-up job keeping that cute and crazy dog happy and healthy. I got messages from my mom and one of my aunts telling me they missed me and that they're there if I need anything. I talked to my dad who was smiling the whole time and kept telling me how good I looked and how much he missed me. I talked with my beautiful and driven girlfriend and we are making serious plans about our future together and the sound of church bells seem to be chiming somewhere close by. I played a rugby game with 21 other guys that were sweating and bleeding with me in a hard fought and close game. I started teaching rugby at a school where i get three groups of 25 kids, twice a week and get to teach the game that has done so much for me. I've had a talk with a new company here in Berlin that would love to have me as a member of there staff as soon as I get my papers sorted out. I coached two separate rugby teams that tell me constantly how much they love the session that I put together and how much there enjoying rugby now that I am helping out. I went to my German class where the others often look to me for help and the other day they called me "Deutsch Lehrer zwei" (German teacher 2). I looked around and noticed that I have a roof over my head in a great neighborhood here in Berlin, food in the fridge, a warm and comfortable bed that I can lay with my girlfriend every night in, books to read, TV to watch, computer to work on, and who knows how many other things that people would kill for.
I realized very quickly that i was looking in all the wrong places. I was digging in the dark corners of my mind where the poor, broken, angry things lie and all I needed to turn around and face the light where all the things that have been granted to me, for who knows what reason, are standing big and tall right before my eyes. All the things and people I'm thankful for and have done so much for me throughout my life are all standing and smiling at me watching me struggle and fight the good fight with the knowledge that I have the tools and abilities to overcome the negative, live in the positive, and make the best of the situation I have, which seems to be very, very good now that I look at it again.
One of the great things that has come my way was teaching rugby. I was thrown to the wolves on this one but I'm making the best of it and loving it for the difficulties and triumphs. Two weeks ago I was asked if I had interest in going to the school and starting a rugby class in the gym and I said yes and that I would be more than happy to give it a shot but it very quickly became apparent that it would be a bit more difficult than I thought. The first day I did the class my teammates came with me and we met with the principle of the school, which is a young confident german woman with a heart of gold, and the two sport teachers. They asked if we were ready to teach the class and I said yes, hoping that my german teammate would take the first step and introduce us and explain what we were doing there mostly because his german is fluent and mine is... ok... kind of, but nope.... the ball was in my court quite literally as i stood there, rugby ball in hand in the middle of the basketball court with 25, 12 year old kids looking at me waiting to see what this American Rugby player had to say to them. I also had to do this whole thing in german so I gave it a shot and no time I had the little fellas running up and down the court with the ball, making passes, and scoring tries. So what if there was a general reckless abandon for the rules and we had a few fights as a few kids got pushed into the benches and came up pushing and shoving. The kids were all smiles, laughing, asking all sorts of question, which I understood roughly 60 percent of, and having a generally good time. Great success if I say so myself
After the class the kids were asking if we could do it again some time soon, where they could get a ball, where they could watch rugby, and all sorts of other things about the rules and about the sport in general. Im in my second week of teaching rugby and hope to continue in the future. the sport teachers and principle all seem to support the idea and, who knows, we might be able to get more classes, more kids, and more rugby in Germany!!
Hopefully my positive outlook continues and my adventure keeps on being... adventurous
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Friday, August 31, 2012
Well, I've gone and done it now.
Wow, lets see...
This past year has been a whirlwind of activity for sure. The decision to move to Germany, multiple visits from and too Germany and Switzerland, saving and scraping together every cent i could, going through mountains of bureaucratic paperwork and running all over the stretches of this vast city to compile enough convincing evidence that they should let me stay here in Berlin and much much more.
I guess ill start at decision day, when I really made the choice to move. I was talking with Norina (Girlfriend) about our long distance relationship and where it was headed. What should be done?? make a move or not, the critical decision, this decides if we stay together or crumble at the insurmountable odds of covering not only the physical distance but the cultural, lingual, and any other distance you can think of. Also, who moves, me or her? which is easier? who has the least at stake? who is willing? While both of us were ready and willing the decision came down to which would be easier, naturally. The final decision was for me to move to Germany. While this is not an easy transition it is a bit more forgiving than the alternative of Norina moving to the US, in that the bureaucratic process has many avenues of allowing one to stay in the country while the US process is pretty cut and dry... marriage. This was definitely an option but who wants to be forced into a forever decision when an alternative exists.
So the decision was made and the long road ahead began where all long roads begin... money and the funds needed to complete the journey. We worked our tails off, sacrificed, scrimped and saved, and in a years time had a small savings accrued to the point in which I felt comfortable enough to make the move and have a bit of a buffer to make it through a few months. This was no easy feat if i say so myself, with two rugby seasons, constant invitations to hit the town, a visit to Germany, and a sister who was having a wedding the money seemed to go up in a puff of smoke the moment it entered my hands but thats how it goes i guess. None the less the savings had been saved and I was ready to go.
Now to tell the friends and family... some of the conversations were easy, the rugby guys, while they were sad and upset at losing a friend and teammate everyone was supportive and i actually got a few threats so they made sure I wouldn't "screw this up" and I even got a, "she's better than you so don't blow it", oh how I love the rugby family. Also work wasn't so hard, while the guys at Heartwood Tree Services had become and extension of my family many of the guys would rather have me leave the safe haven of Charlotte so they could live vicariously through me and hear of the shenanigans i got into and reminisce about there earlier days of excessiveness and indulgence which may have only been yesterday for a few of them, but others it just seems like yesterday as time and leveler heads prevailed in the form of family and responsibility. The more difficult conversations came when I had to tell my actual family. First came my sister who i would consider the closest to me along with my brother but her actual physical closeness, being in the same city, made her the first recipient of my decision. she took it well especially because i made an effort to set all my moving dates after her wedding day. my brother was also supportive and especially because he now has a link to Europe whenever he wants to come traveling or just for a good vacation. The really tough ones were the parents, First Mom... she was saddened but supportive and even expressed the need to "learn some German" so she could speak with Norina's parents and started with the motherly duties to make sure I remembered all the important things, debts and responsibilities that may have been overlooked. No matter how old you get, mom's always looking out. The most stressful and emotionally difficult was my Dad. i attempted a few times to start the conversation in passing but never could find the words or right situation to begin but finally i had to take the plunge. "Dad I'm thinking, maybe im going to move to Germany to give things a shot with Norina" I began, and his look of concern and thought worried me but he expressed his support of my decisions stating, "I know your gonna be alright, no matter what" as an expression of confidence in my early onset wisdom and historically good decision making towards things that really matter (nights at the bar don't count). But my Dad finally gave his blessing but also his sadness and frustration that we hadn't had the amount of father, son time over the years he would have liked and i agree with that but sometime I have to grow up and these are the decisions that take a person to adulthood and I'm glad it was with universal support from my friends and family.
The pieces were falling into place and it seemed only a waiting game until the big day, a few days after my sister wedding, that i would move. I began to streamline my possessions, getting rid of old clothes, finding new homes for my nicer things that couldn't accompany me on the journey, and tossing away things that have stayed in my possession far to long after there usefulness had come and gone. it became slightly depressing when, in the final days my entire life's possessions could fit into two heavily laden bags and a book bag. Others had expressed the envy of being able to pick up and go so easily with so few possessions but at the same time i had very little to make my surroundings my own and at the moment, no real place to call home. That all changed of course, as soon as I got settled in with Norina at her studio apartment which is definitely meant for an artist on a budget. But at that moment i was swimming in limbo between homes and countries. The day came up faster than I anticipated, next thing I knew my sister was taking us to the airport and we were wrestling or heavy bags to the check in to make our way. My nerves were shot at the thought of going through the passport check with the knowledge that i had booked a one way ticket on a three month tourist visa and hoping they wouldn't start asking questions. I had invested too much into this to be turned away at the passport check. Even with that cloud looming overhead I put on a strong face and tried to enjoy our short one day vacation in NY City before we took the eight hour flight to my new home and me and Norina's new life together.
The moment of truth was upon us as i stepped off the plane in Germany and made my way through the passport check but my worries were unfounded as the barley glanced at my passport before stamping it and sending me on my way. For some reason my bags seemed lighter than air after that moment. The stress of it all seemed to fall away and I allowed myself to really enjoy the cad ride to my new home which was actually a bit fun as we chatted with the very personable cabby who was nice enough to wrestle my 50 pound bags from the cab. A we crossed the threshold into a new life together, to face future problems as one and work towards goals as a team, a new light was dawning and a new flame of possibility was lit.
So begins my new life in a new land with a new language, new friends, new challenges, and new triumphs...
There is plenty more to tell of my adventures so far but thats enough for now
This past year has been a whirlwind of activity for sure. The decision to move to Germany, multiple visits from and too Germany and Switzerland, saving and scraping together every cent i could, going through mountains of bureaucratic paperwork and running all over the stretches of this vast city to compile enough convincing evidence that they should let me stay here in Berlin and much much more.
I guess ill start at decision day, when I really made the choice to move. I was talking with Norina (Girlfriend) about our long distance relationship and where it was headed. What should be done?? make a move or not, the critical decision, this decides if we stay together or crumble at the insurmountable odds of covering not only the physical distance but the cultural, lingual, and any other distance you can think of. Also, who moves, me or her? which is easier? who has the least at stake? who is willing? While both of us were ready and willing the decision came down to which would be easier, naturally. The final decision was for me to move to Germany. While this is not an easy transition it is a bit more forgiving than the alternative of Norina moving to the US, in that the bureaucratic process has many avenues of allowing one to stay in the country while the US process is pretty cut and dry... marriage. This was definitely an option but who wants to be forced into a forever decision when an alternative exists.
So the decision was made and the long road ahead began where all long roads begin... money and the funds needed to complete the journey. We worked our tails off, sacrificed, scrimped and saved, and in a years time had a small savings accrued to the point in which I felt comfortable enough to make the move and have a bit of a buffer to make it through a few months. This was no easy feat if i say so myself, with two rugby seasons, constant invitations to hit the town, a visit to Germany, and a sister who was having a wedding the money seemed to go up in a puff of smoke the moment it entered my hands but thats how it goes i guess. None the less the savings had been saved and I was ready to go.
Now to tell the friends and family... some of the conversations were easy, the rugby guys, while they were sad and upset at losing a friend and teammate everyone was supportive and i actually got a few threats so they made sure I wouldn't "screw this up" and I even got a, "she's better than you so don't blow it", oh how I love the rugby family. Also work wasn't so hard, while the guys at Heartwood Tree Services had become and extension of my family many of the guys would rather have me leave the safe haven of Charlotte so they could live vicariously through me and hear of the shenanigans i got into and reminisce about there earlier days of excessiveness and indulgence which may have only been yesterday for a few of them, but others it just seems like yesterday as time and leveler heads prevailed in the form of family and responsibility. The more difficult conversations came when I had to tell my actual family. First came my sister who i would consider the closest to me along with my brother but her actual physical closeness, being in the same city, made her the first recipient of my decision. she took it well especially because i made an effort to set all my moving dates after her wedding day. my brother was also supportive and especially because he now has a link to Europe whenever he wants to come traveling or just for a good vacation. The really tough ones were the parents, First Mom... she was saddened but supportive and even expressed the need to "learn some German" so she could speak with Norina's parents and started with the motherly duties to make sure I remembered all the important things, debts and responsibilities that may have been overlooked. No matter how old you get, mom's always looking out. The most stressful and emotionally difficult was my Dad. i attempted a few times to start the conversation in passing but never could find the words or right situation to begin but finally i had to take the plunge. "Dad I'm thinking, maybe im going to move to Germany to give things a shot with Norina" I began, and his look of concern and thought worried me but he expressed his support of my decisions stating, "I know your gonna be alright, no matter what" as an expression of confidence in my early onset wisdom and historically good decision making towards things that really matter (nights at the bar don't count). But my Dad finally gave his blessing but also his sadness and frustration that we hadn't had the amount of father, son time over the years he would have liked and i agree with that but sometime I have to grow up and these are the decisions that take a person to adulthood and I'm glad it was with universal support from my friends and family.
The pieces were falling into place and it seemed only a waiting game until the big day, a few days after my sister wedding, that i would move. I began to streamline my possessions, getting rid of old clothes, finding new homes for my nicer things that couldn't accompany me on the journey, and tossing away things that have stayed in my possession far to long after there usefulness had come and gone. it became slightly depressing when, in the final days my entire life's possessions could fit into two heavily laden bags and a book bag. Others had expressed the envy of being able to pick up and go so easily with so few possessions but at the same time i had very little to make my surroundings my own and at the moment, no real place to call home. That all changed of course, as soon as I got settled in with Norina at her studio apartment which is definitely meant for an artist on a budget. But at that moment i was swimming in limbo between homes and countries. The day came up faster than I anticipated, next thing I knew my sister was taking us to the airport and we were wrestling or heavy bags to the check in to make our way. My nerves were shot at the thought of going through the passport check with the knowledge that i had booked a one way ticket on a three month tourist visa and hoping they wouldn't start asking questions. I had invested too much into this to be turned away at the passport check. Even with that cloud looming overhead I put on a strong face and tried to enjoy our short one day vacation in NY City before we took the eight hour flight to my new home and me and Norina's new life together.
The moment of truth was upon us as i stepped off the plane in Germany and made my way through the passport check but my worries were unfounded as the barley glanced at my passport before stamping it and sending me on my way. For some reason my bags seemed lighter than air after that moment. The stress of it all seemed to fall away and I allowed myself to really enjoy the cad ride to my new home which was actually a bit fun as we chatted with the very personable cabby who was nice enough to wrestle my 50 pound bags from the cab. A we crossed the threshold into a new life together, to face future problems as one and work towards goals as a team, a new light was dawning and a new flame of possibility was lit.
So begins my new life in a new land with a new language, new friends, new challenges, and new triumphs...
There is plenty more to tell of my adventures so far but thats enough for now
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